A Thought Experiment in Self Appreciation

If you woke up one day to suddenly find you were wholly at peace with yourself. You: felt complete as a person; had a strong sense of self-appreciation; and knew without a doubt you are worthy – worthy of love and belonging …just as you are!

That nothing you did would make you love yourself more, and nothing you did could make you love yourself less.

You knew and loved yourself completely divorced from behaviour ...good or bad!

So you felt little need for makeup or dressing a certain way, you felt no pressure to be interesting, smart, entertaining, attractive, professional, hard-working, perfect, productive, positive, upbeat, ‘functional’ ….anything to meet another’s, society’s or even your expectations around self-worth.

You felt no pressure to be or do anything that ever made you feel good about yourself.

Nothing to help you ‘fit in’, be accepted, be enough …be loved. Where you felt no need to hide any ‘weird’, different or unacceptable aspects of yourself.

If you woke up in that space, what would you do? Maybe even more importantly, how would you be as you did whatever you did that day? How would it affect your intentions for that day?

For some, a state like would mean personal attacks, criticisms, judgements, ‘advice’ and put-downs would have zero effect on their sense of worth, because they have absolute belief in their core-self (if others criticised a behaviour they would address it appropriately – but they would not take it personally). Or it might mean a state where previously anxiety inducing situations no longer hold any fear or apprehension, where no time is required to prepare or rehearse in their minds how they need to be. They just ‘turn up’ with complete trust in themselves to be whatever they need to be moment-by-moment – with no fear of how they will be viewed. For others it’s less about external criticism or validation but more about change of their ‘inner critic’ – which would simply no longer judge self by thoughts, words or behaviours.

One point of this thought experiment is highlight how much time, energy and judgement we put into ‘correct’ behaviours, words and even thoughts …vs time spent - non-judgementally - going inwards. Inwards to simply recognise and nurture our innate capacities, character strengths and virtues – to connect with what has always been there! To build that belief and trust in self, so that we go into the world knowing we can tap into this innately ‘good-core’ anytime, in any situation. Ideally, the home environment was meant to nurture (not 'teach') the capacities themselves, along with the belief in them. But reality suggests, as adults, we may need a lifelong practice of recognising, nurturing and trusting our innate 'human essence' if were are to experience wholeness and peace with self. 

Cheers, Alex